Captain Biscuit and the Mystery of the Exploding Parrot
So there I was, Captain Biscuit, the bravest pirate in the world. (Okay, fine, maybe the third bravest. Or twelfth. Actually, I might not even be on the list, but still.)
After the Great Coconut Disaster, my crew (Smelly Pete and One-Tooth Tina) decided we needed a mascot. Every cool pirate crew has one, right? Some have skulls, some have sharks, some have parrots.
Naturally, we chose a parrot.
But not just any parrot.
We bought the weirdest, loudest, most rainbow-colored parrot in the world from a traveling pet salesman who definitely looked like he was lying about everything.
His name was Sir Squawk-a-Lot.
And boy… did he squawk.
He squawked at dawn. He squawked at night. He squawked during naps. He even squawked in his sleep. (Do parrots have nightmares? Because this one definitely did.)
Anyway, one morning Sir Squawk-a-Lot started making strange noises. Not his usual “SQWAAAAWK I WANT A BISCUIT!” but more like…
“Pffft! Hisssss! Kaboomy!”
Tina gasped.
Pete fainted.
And I, being the fearless leader, yelled:
“OH NO, THE PARROT IS GOING TO EXPLODE!”
We all ducked for cover.
And then…
BOOOOOM!
But don’t worry, it wasn’t the parrot.
It was the giant bag of fireworks Pete had been hiding under his hammock.
Turns out Sir Squawk-a-Lot had found it, pecked a fuse and set the whole thing off.
The sky lit up with colourful sparks. Our ship’s sails turned purple. Tina’s hair was on fire (just a little). And the parrot… was perfectly fine. Actually, he looked kind of proud of himself.
From that day forward, every pirate in the Seven-and-a-Half Seas knew us as “The Firework Pirates.”
And Sir Squawk-a-Lot? He became the only parrot in history to earn the title “Boom-Bird.”
Moral of the story:
Never trust a salesman with a mustache that wiggles.
Never store fireworks under your hammock.
And never… EVER… teach a parrot how to light fuses.
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